How to Keep New Year's Resolutions: Why They Fail and How Coaching Helps
New Year's resolutions usually fail because they are too big, too vague or framed negatively, and because there is no plan for the moments when things get hard. You keep them better by choosing a positively framed goal, starting small, deciding in advance when and where you will act, and making your progress visible. A coach helps with each of those steps.
Almost everyone knows the pattern: determined on January 1, and by mid-January the resolution has faded into the background. That is rarely a lack of willpower. It is mostly about how the resolution was set up.
Why New Year's Resolutions Fail
- Too big. "This year I will get fit" is an end point, not a first step. After a few weeks, the gap between today and that end point feels impossible to bridge.
- Too vague. "More calm" or "take better care of myself" gives no grip. When have you done well?
- Framed negatively. "Stop doing..." focuses your attention on what you do not want.
- No plan for setbacks. One missed day feels like failure, and after that, stopping is easier than starting again.
- The why is missing. A resolution you feel you "should" keep lasts shorter than something you truly care about.
What Research Shows Actually Works
Frame What You Want, Not What You Do Not Want
In a Swedish study of more than a thousand participants (Oscarsson et al., 2020), people with an "approach goal" ("I will walk three times a week") were more often successful after a year than people with an "avoidance goal" ("I will sit on the couch less"): about 59 versus 47 percent.
Decide in Advance When and Where
Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer showed that "if-then plans" increase the chance that you actually follow through on an intention. Not "I will read more", but "when I have started the dishwasher after dinner, I read for ten minutes". The moment and place are already chosen, so you do not have to decide again every day.
Start Smaller Than You Think
A small step you achieve every week is worth more than a big step you give up after two weeks. Small wins build confidence, and confidence makes the next step easier.
Make Progress Visible
When you track how it is going, you also see that it is improving. A simple score from 0 to 10 per week often works. Coaches use the scaling question for this, for example.
What a Coach Adds
You can take all these steps yourself. Still, it often works better with a coach, for a few reasons:
- From resolution to goal. A coach helps you figure out what you really want to achieve and why, so your goal fits you. Read more about a well-formulated goal.
- A steady rhythm. A session every two or three weeks keeps your goal from getting buried.
- Talking about setbacks. A coach helps you understand why something did not work, instead of giving up.
- Seeing your progress. Looking back together shows how much has already changed, even when it does not feel like much to you.
From Resolution to Coaching Goal: Examples
| Resolution | Coaching goal |
|---|---|
| "Less stress at work" | "In three months, I finish work by 6 pm on at least four of five workdays and rate my workload 6 or lower." |
| "Find a new job" | "By April 1, I know which two roles suit me and I have spoken with three people in that field." |
| "Take better care of myself" | "Every week I plan two fixed moments for myself and keep them, even in busy weeks." |
Finding a Coach Who Fits You
Considering a coach this year? Look for experience with your question, a clear way of working and a good connection in the discovery call. The guide to finding a coach explains what to look for. On FocusCoachee you find coaches who work with a structured online environment, where you actively work on your goals, reflections and actions between sessions.
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